1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want a musical about memes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
