Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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