did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You pole danced in your parka.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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