I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
