I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
