I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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