I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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