I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
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