It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
