I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
