Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
