so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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