i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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