when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
