I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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