He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
