She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
