Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
