There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
