He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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