Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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