i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
