Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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