I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
