I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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