so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
