Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
