Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
