You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
