During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
