my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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