Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
