i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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