Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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