mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
