So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
