Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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