A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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