Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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