yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
