I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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