Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
