Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
