Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
