last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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