Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
