Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
