so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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