I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
