There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
