Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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