you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I smell stomach acid.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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