Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
