Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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